An Incorrigible Update - Heavy this time - Reblog from Tumblr
Janice Flint • February 15, 2023
So for two years now I’ve debated about coming clean and blogging about myself personally. This has been something that has weighed on my soul, if you will, for a long time. I recently outed myself on Quora when I started answering questions about Transgenders and I didn’t think twice about it. I’ve come out on facebook and to some of my family members via snail mail and I came out to a few of my coworkers but I’ve waffled off and on about posting it on my blog. This is supposed to be about writing… and my transition impacts my writing.
My birth name was Jason Everett Flint, it has now been changed to Janice Elizabeth Flint. Legally everything that was Jason is no more or will be gone soon, my SSN and my Driver’s License has already been changed. All that is left is my Birth Certificate and I already started that process, I’m just waiting to hear back on that one. It has been one of a scary journey for myself. How could it not be? For 34 years I was a guy, but on my 35th birthday I became the person I wanted to be. And it has been an emotional rollercoaster. A lot of firsts for me and I’m thankful that I’ve gotten a chance to have them, I’m just sorry it took so long for me to get to this point.
If someone were to have asked me where I saw my life when I was a teen, and they did, I always told them I’d be dead by 35. I wouldn’t live to see my 35th birthday. I was adamant on this, because I was so unhappy with myself. I had been unhappy with myself since I learned that there were differences between men and women. I found out in sex ed. They broke the boys into one group and the girls into another. I thought it was weird that I was left behind with the “boys”. They explained all the changes that would happen in a guy’s body and I that was when I realized that something was wrong with me. I couldn’t articulate it until I was 13, even if I could who was I going to tell? But as puberty hit I hated it, hated myself and the way my body was betraying me, I grew jealous of girls because they got to do the things I wanted to do. They got to wear the clothing I wanted to wear.
So I hid all that, tried to at least. And for awhile my writing was my only outlet and it worked for a few years. My first short stories were about a boy turning into a woman. There was no horror to having changed your gender, there was no chagrin. It was all acceptance for that character. There were confusion in the minds of the supporting cast but ultimately they’d accept the character regardless of gender, and the stories turned into books. The way my characters were treated was what I was hoping for. But growing up in a conservative military family made me paranoid. I heard the way my parents talked about homosexuals, and I didn’t want them to think I was broken. Not different. Broken. I didn’t want anyone to know because I never really felt safe, even with my family. I knew they were searching my room for material and to keep myself safe I invested in buying porn, even though I never really liked it. Luckily my writing was enough of a release for a few years. But I had to have more, I needed more. My older sister still lived with us and so did my mother and there were times I thought about trying on their clothes, jewelry and makeup but I was too scared to because my father was one who was heavy with the whip so to speak. Luckily this was about the time of the internet and I found acceptance being myself in chat rooms. I might have lied about some things, namely hair color and height, but in my heart that was who I was. My name was always Janus online. For the Roman God of Portals, Openings and Closings, Endings and Beginnings. Janus was my spirit name, if you will, and I would rise from my ashes like a phoenix someday.
I prayed and wished on every day, most minutes of the day, on every wishbone, every birthday cake, every x-mas, every shooting star that I would wake up in my proper body. I grew to hate birthday’s and holidays. Not because of my family but because of myself. Because I couldn’t have what I wanted. I was going to be forever denied my heart’s desire. I grew bitter on the inside. And then Everquest came out and I grew very close to a few of my guild mates. The three I thought I could trust I told. 2 of them stopped talking to me, I still don’t know if they’ve ever gotten over the betrayal. One… went so badly that I attempted to kill myself. It wasn’t going to be my last attempt either, sadly. I survived and convinced myself that I was wrong. I started to work out, I developed an interest in the Armed Forces, developed an intense desire to join the WWE and become an ideal that other men could look up to and say “That’s a real man.” Because that’s what guys did. I never really got there. I started playing roleplaying games again and I really have to thank and hate my best friend for introducing me to this. I was luckily enough to be allowed to play a female character, in my current body, with other guys. And there were other guys who played female characters with me! I wasn’t so mistaken, maybe I wasn’t that different than others.
Then I started to hate and resent my female characters, Mirlinth Loth, because she had something I would never have. She had a husband and a child, Starkdhar. I knew at that point I had a problem. I knew that if I was jealous of my fictional character that I needed to take a step back and just reevaluate my life. I’d told a few people that I was in the wrong body and I think more than anything they just humored me. Transgenders were not the main stream, we were people who were butts of jokes. But I continued on. Resigning myself that I was going to be miserable day in and day out. I’d long ago learned to hate sleep. In sleep I was my real self, not the facade I put up. Oh sure I looked happy and content but I wasn’t. I was a mental wreck. I don’t think anyone knew how much I was actually drinking to keep things together. I could polish off a bottle of Jack and look for the next bottle to keep going. I learned to play drunk well even though I was stone cold sober. I was to afraid of drinking with others, serious drinking, because I didn’t know if I could keep it together and if the dam burst would I be able to put the pieces together again, would I be able to keep my friendships.
I have always been something of a hot head, because guys had to have either anger or humor. You couldn’t cry or grieve. My dad actually was angry that I wasn’t distraught when we lost a dog when I was 15. I told him point blank to his face that Men didn’t cry. He just smirked at me. What was I supposed to say? He’d taught me by example. Verbal and emotional abuse had taught me that men had 2 emotions. Oh sure, I cried myself quietly to sleep each night, slept in only 2 or 3 hour chunks because I was afraid someone would come into my room and see me curled up in a fetal position. I was by all accounts a pathetic person.
And it kept getting worse and worse. There was a portion of myself that was always putting me down, even the stupidest little mistake would be a day of ripping myself apart. On the outside I had to be perfect, on the inside I was the biggest enemy I had. I couldn’t do anything right and I would admit that nothing I did would get better, even if I did magically get my wish to have my female body I was still a fuck up and unworthy of such a gift. These negative thoughts were always with me. I tried my best to keep upright but being that I didn’t put faith in others, I couldn’t trust others, I couldn’t lower myself down to their human standards because for years I’d been tearing myself down.
Finally I broke. It was about the time my dog Maggie died that the cracks started to really happen. There had been signs I think to everyone but those signs were all pointing to me being homosexual. I was getting to the point where I defined myself by those around me, because I was afraid to stare into the maw that was myself. And in June of 2015 that I’d had enough. I spent the entire night before crying for myself and what I had become and I hated it. Hated everything about it. I stood up, braced to give the last of fucks. I went into work and told my boss I wanted to transition. And we started the process. I found a therapist who has been incredibly helpful and on October 27th 2015 I started on Hormone Replace Therapy. One week later and I was feeling so much better. Now there wasn’t a cognitive dissonance in me. My brain and body were working in harmony and I loved it. Oh I still had bouts with depression, but as I came to fully understand them these bouts were actually just the dysphoria I had been feeling. I could put names to my demons.
I had long stopped standing to pee, I had for the majority of my life been unable to pee standing up and I would tense up and have to go into a stall and sit down, when I had to stand to pee I forced myself to pee as quickly as I could. That ended up giving me a hernia which was painful and I actually now physically have a much smaller bladder because they had to cut away a bit of it cause of all the years of pushing to pee standing up. Because I’d always felt like I didn’t belong in the men’s room and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I don’t ever really recall peeing in school to be honest, I know I must have but I can’t for the life of me remember when. Changing in the locker room with other guys was embarrassing because I had breasts, and I was pudgy but I was pudgy so I could have breasts. I hated watching movies and TV because seeing the women on screen would just remind me that I wasn’t ever going to look like that. All of these things were subtle indications of the dysphoria I had. I even jerked off multiple times a day, not because I love my penis, because I had heard the more you did that the smaller it got. Maybe it worked, I wasn’t the largest of guys and I didn’t want to be. When my two boyfriends commented on their dick size they turned to look at me and I just shrugged. Nothing about that conversation had been comfortable to me.
My entire life has been uncomfortable. But now that I’m finally myself I’m finding new problems. I have no female friends I can really hang with. The few I’ve hung out haven’t done much to make me like being with them. Either them constantly questioning my reasons, wondering why the hell I’d want to be one when it’s so much better to be a man or just flat out thinking I’m weird for wanting to be comfortable in my own skin. I tried dating twice, both times I had to force myself to even the most casual of intimate acts. Kissing, hugging or simply holding hands made my skin crawl because I wasn’t comfortable with myself and nothing I did fixed that. I used to keep people at arm’s distance because I didn’t want anyone close enough to touch me.
Now I don’t mind someone being in my space. I love wrapping myself in covers and I love the thought that someday I’ll have a significant other I can cuddle up to on the couch. I still get terrified or dysphoric about things. I’ll always be. I went to pee recently in public and fully expected someone to throw me into the street and tell me to piss there like an animal. I went into the girls room at the movie theater and was expecting to see an army of angry boyfriends and husbands who wanted to kill me for daring to be a normal human and pee. I worry about my make up choices and how well I really pass. But the thing that gives me the most moments of dysphoria is my voice. I have worked for 2 years on it and it’s ok, but when someone in a game is says something that makes me think they think I’m a guy I just can’t stop processing that and I shut down, I mute my mic and I start crying.
So how does all this influence my writing? Because without my being trans I would never have started writing. I would never have sought to express myself in a written format had my body been in alignment with my mind. Much of my life would have been changed forever had I had just an ounce of the courage I had 2 years ago to tell my parents I wanted to be a woman. My mom and brother are on speaking terms with me after I came out to them. My sister thinks I’m the lowest of the low. A coward who couldn’t even be a man. And that hurt.
Because of everyone in my family I had hoped my sister, my brave and fantastic sister, would have been happy to have a fellow sister. We would have talked and she would have forgiven me for the things I said when I was embarrassed by her taking me to hooters for my 21st birthday and making me realize how far from my wish I truly was. She would have given me makeup and hair tips and clothing tips, she has always been the one to buy me clothing and so I thought our relationship would continue. My sister has always had my respect but when we talked on the phone she threw the arguments you hear all the time. “You’re just a guy in drag, you’re never going to be a woman, think about what this does to us, what do I tell your nephew?” And I took it badly. I had a million arguments in my mind to counter her, but to hear them coming from her hurt. And I fired back in a hateful manner. I only contacted her because she was too mad to contact me.
I haven’t told my father. He’s on my linkedin profile so I’m sure he’s probably seen I’ve changed my name and posted a new profile pic but he doesn’t talk to me very often and I haven’t opened up that can of worms. One of my therapists thought I was doing this so I would be as far removed from my father as I could be. And I will admit that I was never going to have children because I didn’t want to end up like my dad. And when I learned that the HRT would make me sterile I was glad that the flint line would pass on to my brother. Let him be the one to worry about if we’re going to keep our family name going. Frankly I could care less.
But like I said it’s not all sunshine and roses. When I was getting ready to come out at work I started pushing for training for the other staff and they kept pushing back and finally when I gave them the date and schedule some of my surgeries, a bit of FFS and a boob job, that I was coming back as Janice. They fired me shortly after. They were looking for reasons to fire me and I gave them a reason by sharing information on how I used to be. It’s given me a lot of time to think and be angry and worried and relieved. See it’s hard for a trans to get a job, who wants to hire someone who is going to have multiple procedures to feel comfortable in their skin? Who is a legitimate hotbed for social issues right now? But now I’m starting a new job and I’m no longer the person I was. I am now the person I want to be, and I get to introduce myself as Janice.
Part of being a streamer was to get comfortable streaming and talking in my new voice for up to 8 hours a day. It’s hard for me to do that but I like to think I’m ok… as long as someone doesn’t just flat out call me sir. That always ruins my day. I’m still somewhat of an emotional eater so I gotta work on that, but that’s better than crying myself to sleep and potentially ruining my makeup. Eyeliner is kinda a pain to put on if I’m honest. Lipstick, mascara and eyeshadow is way easier to put on than eye liner.
I’m glad I finally decided to come out. I’m not doing this for attention or to sell books. I’m just being myself and I’ve always felt safest on the internet. If it means an uptick in my books great, I need all the money I can get for the future procedures, most of it is cosmetic and frankly that’s a huge problem since it can cost me up to 100 grand to do everything.

Let's be real, critiquing films is basically a nerd's sacred duty. Not everyone can do it, and certainly not everyone can do it well. And by "well," I mean with the kind of surgical precision that comes from consuming more media than most people have hot dinners.” Luckily I eat a lot of cold cuts. I've always been that person who can't just watch a movie. Oh no. I dissect it like I'm performing an autopsy on narrative structure. Was the world-building coherent? Did the magic system make sense? Pro tip: Most don't. Looking at you, Harry Potter. Did the protagonist's motivations feel genuine, or were they just another cardboard cutout designed to move plot points around? Take sci-fi films, my first love. I'm not interested in pretty explosions or lens flares. I want to know if the technological premise holds up to even the most basic scientific scrutiny. Philip K. Dick didn't just throw random tech into his stories he made you believe. When I review a film, that's my benchmark. Can you make me believe? And honestly it’s hard for that to happen. My reviews aren’t some sanitized, press-release-friendly pablum. They'll be honest. Brutally so. If a film deserves evisceration, I'll bring the surgical tools. If it's brilliant, I'll explain precisely why. No punches pulled, no sacred cows left standing. And yes, I'm fully aware that my opinions might ruffle some feathers. Good. That's what the Tenets of Incorrigibility are all about. Speaking truth, even if it stings. Be yourself with as little compromise as possible, right? Plus, let's be frank - after spending a decade of world building for stories that make actual sense, watching most Hollywood productions feels like intellectual torture. Someone's got to call out the nonsense. And while I’m not on the levels of Nerd Explains or Filmento, I at least have my own brand of getting the job done. So buckle up, film world. The Incorrigible Author is coming for your narratives… next time I can afford 40 dollars worth of movie tickets, popcorn and soda. That maybe their saving grace, waiting for me to watch it on digital release when the film is 5.99 instead of in the movie theaters. Maybe I should call those reviews Video Rentals… Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

So it's been a while since I've done a spoiler-free review of a movie. These days, I really only see superhero movies in theaters. Mostly because you know exactly what you're getting when you drop forty bucks on tickets, popcorn, and soda. It's not really that expensive, but it's certainly not a cheap evening anymore. Between the theater and dinner, it's almost become a luxury. Don't get me wrong, I like other movies. I do. But my brother and I have become choosey. I'm not even sure I'm going to see James Gunn's Superman - it's really hard for me to give a crap about The Man of Steel. Anyway, Thunderbolts! First off, this was a much better movie than Captain America: Brave New Frontier. I have to sort of agree with Filmento when he compares it to Captain America: Winter Soldier. There are a lot of beat-for-beat similarities that make it feel familiar, but Thunderbolts almost felt like a breath of fresh air. I'm not a huge Thunderbolts comic fan - always been an X-person, so I tended to focus on those franchises. But I knew enough to be curious. And I wasn't disappointed by the lineup: US Soldier Walker, Task Mistress (and I refuse to think of that poor character as Task Master), Knock-off Widow Sister, Phantom Girl, and Bob. Because no story is complete without a Bob. Oh, and Bucky the Winter Soldier is here. Soviet Red Guardian too. Marvel/Disney was really hoping you took the time to watch the Captain America and Hawkeye shows to provide some background. I remember having that problem with Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - they expected me to have watched all the Clone Wars content between Episodes II and III. Thankfully, this time most characters were already introduced in prior movies, with Walker being the only real newcomer. Plot-wise? Pretty forgettable. Evil woman does evil things with evil people, decides to clean/cover up those evil acts by killing more evil people. Spoiler: that goes wrong, and boom - you've created your nemesis group. It's a tried and true method. And then there's Bob. Oh, comic book nerds, you know what I'm talking about. In the comics, Bob AKA The Sentry, The Golden Guardian of Goodness, with the power of one million exploding suns, which one Sun exploding is 10 to the 44th power Joules you can do the rest of the math, is arguably the strongest Marvel character who isn't The One Above All. We're talking telepathy on Jean Gray's Phoenix level, strength that... well, let's just say comics are complicated. Did you do the math yet? Cause if you got 10 to the power of 50 Joules your googlefu is strong. This is a character who can survive vacuum, reentry, probably move at lightspeed. So here you have a bunch of no-name "heroes" and Bucky going about their day, then suddenly they've got to contend with Bob's alter ego: The Void. Now that's a villain concept. Someone who does the exact opposite of the hero - save a life, Void takes it. Save a plane, Void crashes one. In this case, The Void makes you relive your worst memories, which... yeah, that sucks. It was nice to see these would-be heroes do some heroic actions by attacking the problem at its source - Bob's mental issues. Not to make light of trauma and PTSD, but in this case, that's all they could do. I mean, in the comics, Sentry has ripped gods in half. So what are three discount super soldiers, a girl with "unstable molecules," and a former Black Widow going to do? All in all, this is a return to the tried-and-true Marvel formula. Put some folks with problems together, crack some jokes, crack some heads, call it a day. And I think that's why it worked better than the new Cap movie. The writers understood these characters were outclassed, so they had to think of a way to resolve things without a literal punch-out ending. I'd give it three and a half out of five. I'm sure others would disagree, but it's enough that if prices were a bit lower, I'd go see it in theaters again. It's been a while since I've wanted to watch a movie a second time. And I think that's about as good a review as you can expect for a popcorn flick. Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

I'm not going to lie, the last week has been kind of hard for me to focus on writing. Sometimes that's the case, but this week has been really bad. I started off last week not really feeling my cyberpunk novel I'd been working on and moved to one of my young adult ideas that I had kicking in my head. And managed to get a bit done on that. And by a bit done, I mean only a mere 26,238 words. That was just two chapters. My cyberpunk novel and some of its side stories are sitting at 70,785 words. Not bad to get 100,000 words in roughly five months. I know I did a bunch of writing last year, but I don't recall everything I touched. I know for I Am Not a Kobold! I have over 11 chapters and 81,531 words. But right now, I'm working on the history of my Cyberpunk world. I'm 13 pages in and just a few words shy of 6,000 for the history of my Esper Fade universe from 1905 to 2200. I still have things to put into that, so I expect it to balloon to 30 pages. And who knows, I might include it in with my novels. It really depends on how that goes. When the Motivation Tank Runs Dry But anyway, the reason for being temperamental while writing is that sometimes no amount of motivation can get your butt in gear. I'd been watching Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, White Collar, Person of Interest, Burn Notice, and Cyberpunk: Edgerunners, and it just wasn't helping. So I had to switch gears for a bit to work on something that was kicking around in the back of my head. And it worked, though Monday I didn't get anything done. But I'm slowly cooking this up, and we'll see how it goes. I'm certainly not going to envy my pocketbook when this stuff gets sent to an editor. Writing stuff is easy; editing it out and keeping the meaningful stuff is hard. I think I've mentioned it before that cutting away the fat from the meat of the story is difficult. Of course, in my cyberpunk novel, I have a character who is British, and he uses about ten words when he doesn't need to. Polite and unflappable, he's a chatterbox, and his particular speech is just chock-full of words that could probably be trimmed down. The Project-Switching Dilemma Switching gears mid-project can be a terrible idea for some. I'm certainly one of them, as I have a plethora of work unfinished. From Spring Break to Servant of the Gods to Adventures Adventures to The Chronicles of Loth, I do not suffer from lack of work to do. I've been trying to be better about working on just one or two projects at a time. Some folks use AI to help with the writer's block. And it's certainly an option as long as you remember that it's a tool and that the more you rely upon it, the weaker that muscle gets. Creativity, I've always felt, needed to be nourished and taught so that everyone could experience it. But you don't want to take shortcuts to your writing career. Says the writer who has no idea what she's going on about. Finding Your Own Tricks But in theory, if you have a good writing habit where you write a few hours a day, that'll help. The big thing to remember is that writing is a process. Nothing is coming out completely clean and without needs for revision. If it does, what are you doing with your life, and can you teach me to be that good? One of the best tricks I've found, and it sounds a little silly: Go back and reread the book that inspired you to try writing this. I make it a habit of at least once a year rereading some of my favorite works. It's probably silly, but I've reread the Thrawn Trilogy and The Avery Cates stories at least 10 times. When I'm in the mood for some fantasy, I go and pick up some of David Eddings' works. It helps, but like I said above, it might not work for you. It's best if you can find your own trick to get that stalled engine going again. Try talking it out with your dog or cat. Not your parrot, though. Those mouthy SOBs will give away the plot, and you can't have that, now can you? Maybe read it as a bedtime story to your reflection while you get ready for bed? Could it work? Maybe that's what we're attempting here. To break through that brick wall keeping you away from your delicious writing. The Numbers Game Whatever the method, keep at it. We'll get there in the end. We hope. There's always a million struggling writers for every one author you know. Don't look up the numbers; it's probably way more depressing than that. Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

Anime while I was growing up was largely considered to be controversial and looked down upon. American audiences in the late 80s and early 90s didn't see the appeal of Anime, or as it was commonly referred to in my neck of the woods: Japanimation. Probably because most of what we were getting in America was heavily censored Sailor Moon where we couldn't have LGBT references or the violence. Cartoons in America sold products and so they were seen for the realm of children to buy sugary breakfast cereals or the newest toy from Hasbro. Never mind that in Japan they could do that as well as tell a story. Now granted, you weren't going to get Vampire Hunter D on the TV suggesting you try the D cereal. But the Japanese knew for a time that cartoons could grow up with them and could have multiple genres. And slowly those multiple genres came to encompass virtually everything. I wasn't really aware of the term Isekai for a number of years, even though I'd watched Fushigi Yuugi and El~Hazard, which are arguably versions of Isekai because they get transported to a fantastical realm. But while we had those two, we had Slayers; we had Lodoss; we had Gundam, Ranma ½, and Fist of the North Star. But over time, the fields changed and Isekai began to flood into the market, so much so that it was pretty much excluded from contests for a while. And why is that? Because no one wants to work in an oppressive sweat shop day in and day out and just waste away into nothing. It's a very real escape many of us have had since time began, I'd imagine. Those times you wish you were born in another era? Or escaping into comics? Into books? That's a hard genre to fight for anyone. And by the time Toonami had started on Cartoon Network, America was now getting into anime and seeing that things like Cowboy Bebop were there to whet the appetite. But Isekai are literal escape fantasies where you are removed from the world that doesn't value and care about you and your smack dab in a world where you have the power to be a king or god. An unrivaled juggernaut as you stride through the lands. For me, that's boring. And yet, I found myself working on an Isekai. I have written 11 chapters for "I Am Not a Kobold!" In which a pair of college-aged students are walking home and are struck by truck-kun and pulled into a fantasy world where there are Orcs, Minotaur, Dwarves, Dragons, and other various fantasy races. I wrote it, much like The Chronicles of Loth, to be tongue-in-cheek humor. But I kept coming back to the fact that how do you really challenge Superman? And really, you don't challenge him physically, even kryptonite only works so well. You must challenge him via mental manipulation or by taking hostages or the like. So I built in some weaknesses in Kobold. Weaknesses that made sense to the story. And I found I was enjoying the challenge of telling the story without making Angel, my main character, absurdly and brokenly overpowered from the jump. The goal is that yes, she will be Ains Ooal Gown or One Punch Man strong by the end, but it's the journey. So it's less Isekai and more the hero's journey. I'm not sure when it'll be done and so I've not really been trumpeting about it. Altered Realities took me 10 years, rewrites and reviews and revisions. But that was solo without ever having a test audience to see it after that initial 30 page draft. I didn't hand it off to an editor until I was sure it was in a good place. Kobold I've had help along the way, but sometimes help isn't enough to get a task completed. I am not a typical writer, A Goddess's Gifts was a smut commission that I needed to have a story too. I focused and polished that story and created it. Arguably, I'm something of a weirdo, an indie artist looking to get that right brush stroke. It's my hope when I finish up Kobold I'll release it to the world and everyone will nod approvingly as they go about their day. That's all I need, a nodding approval from the masses. Or millions of dollars, you know, whichever helps my ego. Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

"Picture a ball." Easy, right? For most people, a sphere, maybe a basketball or a baseball, pops into their mind. For me? The letters B-A-L-L scroll across my mental screen like a stubborn typo. I’ve mentioned this quirk to friends since high school, usually sandwiched between my other failings: a poor sense of smell, a zero-tolerance policy for stupidity, and this literal lack of vision. In the ’90s, people just blinked at me. "You don’t see images? At all?" Nope. My brain works in dictionaries, not galleries. The Creative Tax of a Word-Bound Brain This isn’t just a party trick—it’s a creative handicap. Without mental templates, I can’t "see" characters or worlds unless I stare directly at references. When my brother worked on The Chronicles of Loth, I spent a year secretly trying to draw. Result? Stick figures so bad they’d make a kindergarten teacher wince—and only if I was looking at an example. This is why my art commissions required dozen-piece collages for a single character. My fursona, Rose, needed 20 reference images (now lost, tragically). Felicia? Twenty-six. Her girlfriend Kit? Six. Every detail, hair, physique, clothing, had to be physically seen before my brain could grasp it. Blank Templates and Trashed Drafts No surprise, my early novel characters all looked identical. They started as generic mannequins until I painstakingly dressed them via Google searches and mood boards. Maybe it’s odd I became an author without "seeing" my stories. But it explains why I abandon half-finished drafts so easily—I just rename them .old and move on. (Reading them later is a special kind of masochism.) The Paradox of a Non-Visual Writer I fight hard not to mirror whatever I’m reading/watching, which is its own battle. Yet here’s the twist: words are my images. My "visualization" is dense description, tactile metaphors, the sound of a scene. Google fills the gaps, but the scaffolding is always language. So What’s the Point? Confession? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a footnote on process. Maybe it’s just another excuse to talk about myself. You decide. Incorrigibly yours, J. E. Flint

So, last night I was watching a video about one of my favorite horror movies. John Carpenter’s The Thing which is loosely based upon the short story Who Goes There? I’ve not read that story, it’s always been on my to-do list, and last night I found out there was a Kickstarter to get the notes and whatever that was Who Goes There by John W. Campbell turned into the whole novel Frozen Hell. But the author of the video pointed something out that made me decide not to invest in it. And the current times and quick ability for authors to get their words out there, for good or ill, is making me realize. When I was originally thinking of this I had better, more witty ways to say this. But I’ve slept and so this is the post you get. Guess I should have struck while the iron was hot. Oh well. So, John W. Campbell was racist, I say that because he’s deceased. But he’s not the only author who has tanked their product with views that the rest of the world doesn’t get along with. For instance, I love Altered Carbon. The idea and everything about it. But like J. K. Rawling he’s come out as Anti-Trans. And boy oh boy is Rawlings really wrecking her brand by continuing to keep yapping. Orson Scott Card nearly tanked Ender’s Games and had to go on numerous shows and say that he had little to do with the movie and maybe you should forget he’s horribly homophobic and give the brutal oppression of children in space a chance. Lovecraft is a pretty well known horrible individual, but it could be argued that was the time. What excuse do these current folks have? The thing is, once you open your trap and start spewing shit, it sticks around. And I know my stuff doesn’t stink, but I’ve never said anything that I view that controversial. But then I’m a nobody and no one cares what I think. My thoughts on taxing billionaires out of existence, and healthcare for everyone and a future that’s better for everyone is only in content with those who are, generally, horrible people. I’ve seen plenty of people who feel bad about buying Rawling’s books in the past, or watching the movies, and then feeling bad when she keeps shooting off her mouth repeating TERF talking points and recently something about non binary. Frankly I don’t pay attention to the bigot because I have far more important things to focus on. But it’s meant that I won’t ever support anything she’s done. That revenue stream isn’t going to impact her big picture at all. But here’s the thing, if you bought it and liked it before the author became a whack job, that’s great. Keep enjoying the work, but think long and hard about continuing to support them. I’m a huge fan of Persons of Interest, and I knew Jim Caviezel was right wing. I mean, he’s played Jesus in something more than once. And there is nothing wrong with being proud of your religion and acting on it. That’s why we have Battlefield Earth with John Travolta. But when I started to hear that he as an actor was rough with the dog, to the point where they had to cut scenes with him and Bear I was a bit disappointed, but chocked it up to him being maybe one of those guys who doesn’t really interact with animals much so he’s not as gentle as he could be. Then he started strumping for Trump and stating he’s the next messiah not to mention his love of QAnon. And well… I’d already bought all of the Persons of Interest and there was no point getting rid of a perfectly good series cause the dude was a fuckwit. But his latest movie Sound of Freedom, something I was actually interested in, gets a hard pass. I live in a capitalist society. So there’s only two ways I can really protest something. Vote against it in the voting booth, or close my wallet. And that’s something I don’t think a lot of author’s realize. Is that when you start spouting stuff you should take a good hard look at what you stand for and if you’re ok with those people supporting you. I know if I published a novel and suddenly white supremacists or racists started using me as a talking point I’d not be comfortable with that. I know it sounds stupid when I say, “I have some black friends,” but it’s true. I have 2 good African American friends I still talk to. One would probably be my best man if I hadn’t transitioned. I grew up in a mostly white suburb, so my interactions with people of color was minor. But regardless I made friends with others outside my immediate circle and I’m glad for it. And in the case of my Hispanic friend, she’s an extravert, and being an introvert, she basically adopted me into her friend circle. I guess I’m just trying to say, don’t be an asshole. Think before you speak, because you will be judged by others. And while I don’t want to be loved by everyone, I’m more than happy burning some bridges, I do want to at least be something of a role model. Someone that a young kid could pick up my books and say “I get this, I relate.” And when they go to do research on me find that the worst thing I did was litter or that I jaywalked. That I wasn’t advocating for ripping babies from their mothers arms to throw into a fire to power some infernal capitalist machine that made some sort of drink. Now, for those of you who don’t like litterbugs or jaywalkers, I profusely apologize for my inability to obey traffic signals and signs about staying off the grass. Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

Prolific Writers My brother reads more than I do, which is rather humorous. He's an artist who has a nine-to-five job where he has to go somewhere to do physically demanding work. So on his breaks and on his lunch, he reads books on his phone. And an author he reads a lot is Brandon Sanderson. I have nothing against the guy, I haven't read it. But my brother mentioned that in COVID he had created four or five novels. Sanderson is, by all rights, a prolific writer. Just a quick glance through his Wikipedia page shows he's got at least 18 novels. Not counting the work he did for Wheel of Time and others. Publishing Beyond Death And this brought up the topic of legacy of a writer. Many years ago I worked with a guy who had roomed with one of Stephen King's nephews or nieces, I don't recall which, and he said that King was so prolific that he had books locked in a vault not to be released until his death. Because he didn't think they were up to his current quality. So like Tupac, King will be releasing best sellers for years after his death. In theory Sanderson has something similar. Apparently he has full outlines for his works that his chosen protégé can pick up and run with. Which is both fascinating and disturbing. Outline Approaches I outline a little, not a lot, because I tend to wing a lot of what I'm doing. I do world building and character backgrounds and soundtracks but I'm not sure someone could pick up my outline for say Tormented By A Goddess and get it across the finish line. It has the key beats but I feel like planning outlines too far out into the future you're likely to start straying from it when you finally get there. If you're super detailed and specific you certainly make it easier for someone to come and pick up your work. But if it's just the barest of outlines, hitting the high points, you can lose something in the translation. So it makes me wonder what Sanderson is doing. Does he script everything to be super tight and they can just be picked up and chunked out? Or has he just hit the high notes and he's hoping to get there while still alive? Writing Longevity The life expectancy of humans is supposed to be going up, and in theory, as long as your brain is still working you can write, or dictate, for a novel to be written. But I know in the case of the mockingbird author, Harper Lee, there are rumors they kept writing even with dementia. But short of some sort of mental inability to, a writer can write well into their twilight years. And it's not uncommon for a son/daughter to continue the legacy. Take Dune for instance. Famous Unfinished Works So, if Sanderson dies unexpectedly we can still expect to see that his name or at least his ideas will continue for awhile. Now, the true question is… What about George R. R. Martin? What's his backup plans for his Game of Thrones series? He's been taking longer and longer to get his work finished so I wouldn't be surprised to see that he's going to have to pass the torch on to someone else. As for me? Well I'm a nobody, so let's see if I ever get published instead of self-published before we start wondering who is going to take my silly ideas and run with them. ________________________________________ Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

The Indie Writing Circle When I was in the indy's writer group of Indianapolis, meeting every Saturday at the main branch of the Indianapolis public library, it struck me as odd that the people in the group stayed in niche markets. Not calling out any names, I consider them friends, and I generally thought they were all good authors in their own regards. But it struck me as odd that they didn't seem to have a desire to try other genres. Now, at the time I wasn't really any better. I kept throwing alien Sci-Fi stories. Mostly because when I was in college sharing work I was frequently told to "stay in my lane" when it came to writing certain things. For instance, I suck at poetry. I absolutely can't do them. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate a well-constructed Haiku or a stanza about radishes. But it always struck me as very odd that the people didn't want to share their genre. The Multi-Genre Dream I knew early on that I was going to write a horror novel, some romance, maybe a thriller or two. I didn't want to tie myself down to just one genre. Now in certain professional cases, Stephen King and J.K. Rowling, they developed a nom de plume to hide their other works for a time. Rowling with Detective Novels and King with Bachman writing Bachman stories. I didn't like the idea of moving from pen name to pen name for a genre. But I knew also that certain genres were very demanding as to what went into them. For instance some of them absolutely won't let you join their little club as long as you're a member at another writing club. I tried long ago to join the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America when I was working on The Chronicles of Loth webcomic. But because it was self reported and a webcomic that didn't count to join the club. I probably still can't join because my three novels combined have earned I think 500 dollars. Which isn't a lot. The Specialization Problem So why then, did so few of these starting authors stay out of other genres? Why is it that a mind or style gets so siloed that they only work on a particular type? Not that this is wrong. Tolkien was an absolutely fantastic fantasy author, if you like stories about tree leaves and walking. Asimov had great and fun stories, such as the I, Robot items. I think it's because just like most things in life, the Jack of All Trades is dying. There isn't much call for a person to write a horror novel and then turn around and publish a mystery thriller. Anymore you're going to get a blend of the two, but it's going to be heavily featured in one area or the other. And so early on the writer thinks they must be true to a certain genre. Freedom in Obscurity But most of us aren't getting paid, not seriously paid, to write. So why shouldn't we have fun and write a story about throwing a love potion at a werewolf? Why shouldn't we write about the kids who are solving the mystery of where their neighbor went only to find out it's a straight up horror thing and they're now locked in a life and death battle with a set of mannequins that have come from the future? The other thing, because the literary market is filled with somebodies hoping to be found that experimentation can potentially hurt your burgeoning career. Which is why folks like King wrote under the name Bachman. Because for a bit, it protects them and lets them hone the craft in multiple ways. But no secret like that can be kept for long, at some point you find out that the detective novelist wrote a thrilling coming of age story about some poor English boy that sold millions and was made into a movie. Maybe it was intentionally spilled that they wrote detective novels, maybe some super sleuth put together that a particular turn of phrase seems very on the nose for another author. Or maybe it's as simple as the checks going to the same bank account. The Market's Narrow Vision So, my dear reader. Why aren't we letting authors flex their mental might? Why aren't we encouraging them to become the next Grisham AND George R. R. Martin? Because the market doesn't want an average author in multiple fields. They want a super author in their field, be it science fiction/fantasy, romance or detective novels. As for myself, since I'm nobody I don't have anyone but the people who bought my book to disappoint. So, bear with me while I meander my way through the creative world. Incorrigibly yours, J.E. Flint

The Great AI Debate I'm a no one, freely admitted. There is no reason to follow me or even listen to my words. But I will say that I have watched a very spirited debate in the reddit writing communities about the latest tool in our arsenal. That's right. I'm talking about AI. There are folks who view this as akin to selling your soul to the devil for even daring to think about using this. And there are others who argue that it's not evil and is to be used and turned into a tool for your use. I, gentle user, am of the opinion that why should a tool not be used when it's needed? The False Arguments Against Tools Some folks, myself included, write while listening to music. I can't tell you how often I've seen an article that has stated that if you need a playlist you're not serious about writing and not to waste anyone's time. I present you another argument. "If you use an Agent to get published you're not serious about this." Absurd right? Anyone who knows the industry knows that if you don't have an agent you're not likely to get anywhere. Sure we have outliers like Stephenie Meyer who can submit an entire book and get luckily picked. Most of us aren't that lucky. The industry is generally against the independent. The Value of Tools in Writing So why would you throw a tool away? A good editor is 50+ dollars an hour and you have to tell them specifically what you want from them. Be it mechanics, be it plot, be it syntax. And the editor focuses on specific things and if you want them to look at something not in their wheelhouse then you're going to get charged for it or you're going to be out of luck. My first novel didn't get an editor and it shows. A Goddess's Gifts and Altered Realities got editors and they're much better books for it. I still haven't broken even at the time of writing this for either of those works. Should I discard the editor as a tool? Of course not. AI as Another Writing Tool AI in most of its applications is a godsend for us. Is it wrong to have it produce a 50,000 word youth novel? I believe so. Is it wrong to be an alpha reader? No. Is it wrong for it to help you with your grammar? No. I was using Grammarly for several years for my writing; it's gotten noticeably crappier now that it's more AI dominated. AI will not replace your fundamentals. If you don't have creativity then it's going to be a pretty lackluster story. How I Use AI Anymore I use AI for help with plotting stuff out. I throw out a question to it, and because it's 2 or 3 in the morning and I know no sane person would be up to answer me, it can. I pay for it. And I know that in some cases I'm training the program for others. This isn't necessarily a problem. I've tried a number of AI writing programs. My favorite is SudoWriter. More because I can throw all my stuff into an organized "folder" and it's there. It's essentially a backup for my Google Drive. The Limitations of AI AI from what I've seen is a thirsty creature, it loves to write smut. But it's not good at it. I like to think I know a thing or two about smut since I wrote two novels where that was pretty heavy in it. That's probably because the people who are using it are writing fan fictions and self-insert stories. I tried using NovelAI to rewrite a Ranma 1/2 lemon I did from my youth. And let me tell you, it took a lot to keep it on task. It would forget within a paragraph that something had happened to Akane and have her show up in scenes that were between say Shampoo and Uchan. The Bottom Line AI isn't going to take your creative job if you don't let it. The people who are churning out AI stories to flood the market are the same type of people who rush a Direct to DVD movie of something that sounds similar to the movie you want to watch. For instance when Transformers came out I saw a ton of stuff for Transmorphers. Just be smart about using the tool at hand. A hammer is a hammer. AI is a tool, it's not to the point that they are perfectly capable of mimicking human emotions. At least that's what I should say as a human who is clearly writing this and not having a program do it for me. Incorrigibly yours, J. E. Flint

The Blogging Struggle I always make the excuse I'm bad at blogging and social media. It just requires me to be more consistent about it. I can set schedules on my phone to remind me that I should publish a blog every week. That's what I'm going to have to do. I've been learning Spanish and Japanese with a refresher in German on Duolingo for the past 100 days, and it's become a healthy habit. They say it's 30 days to make something a habit, but my brain is not wired to work that way. I only do the Duolingo thing because it pops up on my phone at 7am every morning. I expect that at any time, I'm going to just swipe away the Duolingo thing and go about my day. There have been a few times where I've come close, but instead, I hit remind me later. Learning for Learning's Sake And what does that say if the only reason I started on a task to better myself, learning Spanish and Japanese, was to give my brain some much-needed learning? No one forced me; I recently added French into the mix, and I can't wait to upset multiple people with how bad my French, Spanish, and Japanese are. It's not like I'm going to use them in my day-to-day life. I only know one person who speaks fluent Spanish, and we do not talk on a daily basis. I don't know anyone who speaks French. I took German in college and high school and just want a refresher. As for Japanese, I have a friend who's learning it with me, but we don't really speak Japanese to each other. Just silly stuff like "Nani?". You know, typical anime crap. The Learning Habit I like to learn, and that might be the only habit that's stuck in my childhood. From documentaries on serial killers, true crime, and lore drops on Warhammer 40k. I watch videos about finance and crypto markets. But none of that will really ever go into my writing; at least, I don't think it will. Oh, and leveling up in video games. Just sitting there grinding Albinaurics in Palace Overlook in Elden Ring for an hour or two while I talk to friends on Discord. It's not like I need to kill those frog people things... and they're only dropping like 6,000 runes. I just do it. I certainly didn't need to be level 333 to beat Elden Ring for the third time, but I was. I was 111 for the Ranni achievement and 222 for the Frenzied Flame achievement, and I only did the normal one because that was all that stopped me from playing a game. Redirecting Habits to Writing I could have put that time into Editing, a task I don't like. It's way more fun to write. But again, that's a habit I have to get into. So, the habits I've got to improve on are Social Media engagement, Blogging, and Editing. In some of those, I have tools to help. For social media, I use Buffer to post to the vast majority of my feeds with a single click. It makes it so much easier to go to one site, write it up, and then push a button to schedule them all. For Editing, I primarily use Grammarly to catch mistakes. I've been working on my latest of many novels, I Am Not a Kobold, and editing them chapter by chapter after I finish the next chapter. For instance, I just finished chapter 9, and I have been going back through chapters 1 through 5 so far. Reviewing what's going on, expanding in areas, clarifying in others. There are tons of AI tools I could be using to help with my grammar, I'm sure. Gods know there's tons of AI for writing. I've tried more than a few of them, and they all have certain flaws in them. I only use Grammarly to avoid the 50 dollars an hour for a professional. I'm not made of money. I wish I was, but I have a nine-to-five job to pay for my house, and that takes precedence. The Stream of Consciousness I don't really know what this blog post was supposed to be. It just goes to show I'm not a professional writer who can look at a blank page and say, "This is my blog." I originally was going to talk about Elden Ring and its lore, but then I was like, I can talk about mental help. So, just expect weird blog posts until I have an idea of what is going on. It's like the Livejournal era all over again. Incorrigibly yours, J. E. Flint